A Clap Back at Dr. Guramatunhu

I like minding my business, it is a mantra that unclogs the mind, even the smallest and most dissimulated thought that does not concern me: Is aggressively ignored. (something about resisting the devil and fleeing) A pilgrimage worthy of an absolute sound mind that churns efficacious thoughts. So,  Monday morning around 3am, I set to travel for Rusape and a heavy gloom fed on my aggravated mood. First of all, I hate waking up, secondly, ZESA had done its thing with the erratic load shedding and I was hanging on 20% phone battery life. Finally, it was humid, warm and sultry. The heat was oppressive I felt like a rotisserie chicken. The car had no phone charger or a port to shove my USB code. (pile that on my foul mood, thank you)

I let the wind blast my face as the car sped by the rocky hills of Macheke and the driver leisurely fished out a small blue power-bank from his pocket. 100km, this man had a power-bank while I quietly stewed at the back seat? I will be damned. I mustered the most polite tone and asked to plug my phone, of which he happily obliged. (another 10km I was gonna lose it and jump out of a moving car from extreme boredom) Cruising towards Headlands I scrolled down my Twitter timeline and came across this article, Meet ‘Hair activist’ Dr. Guramatunhu. Hair activists? Is Dr. Guramatunhu not a well-respected optician? I read the article and I honestly thought this is some high-end trolling because Nah, thee Chronicle would never let such a sub-par piece make its way on its pages. No-way, but here I was reading about the same way Lucifer will never enter the gates of heaven is the same way women with weaves will never enter Dr. Guramatunhu’s house: Apparently the good doctor has a neurotic maniac-depressive resentment for weaves.

This was before the writer intricately described his home in the affluent gated-suburb of  Borrowdale Brooke. What a sob, a catastrophe for my women-folk who will be denied entry to his house because of processed human hair?  I would honestly be gutted if they denied me entry into his house because of my Peruvian wig. Oh, such misery on my life *clutches chest*, I will shave my head so Dr, Guramatunhu will find mercy and allow me into his house.  If I may speak in a serious vein for a moment? Right, what gives men such non compos mentis entitlement on how women should conduct themselves?  Misogyny, unreasonable contempt, and prejudice against women in the most ridiculous form. I present to you, first of his name, King of male supremacy, Lord of sexism, protector of patriarchy and the Warden of chauvinism, Dr. Guramatunhu a mentally maladjusted misanthropist of artificial hair.

Look how stupid patriarchy has become? a whole article just to heckle women on how they look? They must have missed the memo: women really don’t care about what men think anymore. Hair activism is not even a thing, what the hell are you advocating for? Bringing down a conspiracy of deceitful radical wig owners?   Unmistakably the good doctor is discriminating and shaming women for their choices? An all too familiar rancid odor of patriarchy.  Men feeling entitled to police how women should carry themselves. The animosity and intolerance is not just about artificial hair, it reflects the contempt towards women in general. Honestly, its just hair and to base this irrational hostility on a hairpiece is the most laughable and outlandish reach of the century.

To judge a woman by her hair is the same as any misogynist judging a woman by her dressing. The prejudice and preconception driven by the fanaticism of the inherent hatred for women. Dragging Eurocentrism to push the “Hair activist” agenda is late in 2019, that ship sailed. Technically let us strip naked and tie loin skins around our genitals, shall we? (look, clothes are eurocentric and so is civilization. It’s a tired argument.)  Let the cosmetic industry thrive, what the hell: it is a capitalist world, even the pagan Ponzi scheme is profiting each year from the Santa Claus concept.  It adds that a Guramatunhu (and the writer)  is a narcissistic man who labors under the delusion of a sexist view. Women put on weaves/wigs for themselves and not for the pleasure of men. Understand our lives do not orbit around men, we do it as a form of self-expression and accentuate ourselves in ways we find comfortable: only to revel in many possibilities and looks. After all, we don’t owe anyone an explanation. The good doctor is out of range for seemingly forcing his bigotry down our throats.

The title ”Meet ‘Hair activist’ Dr. Guramatunhu“, suggests that he may be a closet hair fetishist that likes to wear wigs in private. I would have preferred the latter not this 3 minute read rhubarb. No judgment for a man who likes to wear wigs from time to time? I think maybe he might also be a great PETA ambassador since human processed hair irks him so much, it’s not even his head wearing it. Like I said earlier, I like to mind my business and Guramatunhu saved my grandmother’s sight ten years ago but she is blind now so fuck that. Let us call a spade a spade, the only hair activists that I know are hairdressers. We love our hair, natural, weaves/wigs and relaxed. It’s a shame that the great doctor is rolled up in prejudice to assume a woman’s character based on a hairstyle. Such shallow thinking coming from such a great optician.

Rusape has amazing friendly people by the way. Little small town with great chicken wraps. Stay hydrated and cool, until next time, I am out.

P.S This is 2019, women do not need male validation to feel adequate. Try again.

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