Okay, I don’t do this every Friday, but I have a vibe today and it’s old school hip-hop and R&B vibe. See, I am listening to this playlist that takes me way back and I am having such a fun nostalgic day. I thought what the hell lemme spread the happiness mojo. Anyone who knows Makaitah knows she loves old school hip-hop and R&B, she loses her shit every damn time the DJ drops it like hot, aaaand she should probably stop referring to herself in the third person. I have a collection of old school tracks, I call it my bag of oldies and goodies. Took that bag out and I have been screaming, “That’s my track!”, all morning. The day started with my nigga from 1999 Roc-A-Fella Records, yup Jay to the Z ”BIG PIMPIN!” with UGK up in this bish! You need this on some loud bass Celtic Blu speakers. So the psychotic crack head monologue of, ”That’s my Track!!” began at 9am.
I knew the day was gonna be lit, I don’t need to sniff lines or hit a blunt to get me on this kind of high. This musical high got me in the zone, I am over here bumping my head, glazed eyes and grinning like a total fool. I put the shuffle on because I like being surprised hahaha. Don’t you dare judge me, I know you pee in the shower. So my nigga shuffle wasn’t here to play and dropped Tamia and Fabulous, ”So into you.” I just slipped from my chair as I melted into goo and trickled away. Deep in my feels, this track took me back to my first crush, a tall lanky boy with bug eyes, you could have mistaken him for an alien creature. 16 years later and this track still plays the strings of my heart. I am over here trying to recover from this blast from the past then shuffle didn’t care for none of that because my nigga dragged in the pedophile R.Kelly, featuring Ja Rule and Ashanti with, ”Wonderful.” Like damn shuffle, give a girl time to breathe! If-twasn’t-for-the-money-cars-the-movie-stars-and-all-the-things-I-got, I wonder. At this point I am not even singing along, I am just yelling on top of R. Kelly’s vocals and that’s when I realized I need me, a new pair of lungs. Shuffle was definitely sniffing them lines because he gone done did it with the First lady of Rough Riders Baby!! E to the V to the E. ”Who’s Dat Girl.” Eve the baddest bish that made cornrows look cool. This number is one of the reasons I embarked on the female rap train.
If shuffle was a real person, he should have cued the sirens for this one and I was gonna drop the pot, jump over the couch, crawl under the table then dab to the DJ box just to fist bump my nigga Shuffle. He dropped it and I am giddy because it’s MARSHALL BRUCE MATHERS bishes! Eminem with, ”Lose Yourself“, whose kid that doesn’t know the lyrics to the first verse, word for word. 8 Mile gave us gold and its October 2019 we are still losing our marbles. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti. Marry me, Marshall! The snarky god of rap is the original goat, go argue with your ancestors. This was before noise, naked girls and rapper’s names that had the prefix ‘Lil’. We called it the golden era of rap. Ohhhhhhhhh, Shuffle have mercy on my hype. Its the piano that had my throat constricting like a nigga that just found a scratch on his play station CD. LawdT take the Kardashians and bring back 2-pac! I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself is life worth living should I blast myself. I swear 2pac’s Changes is the best thing to ever happen in the music industry! You got your wish bruv! America had a black president! Somebody pass some tissue, my eyes are wet. I am still wiping them tears and boom Shuffle did it again, Missy Elliot GET YOUR FREAK ON maaaafakas! Hold me, I can not! She is one of the inspirations of The Culture of Whoredom, it was the early 2000s and she was spreading sex-positive-feminism to the world. Get Your Freak On, Timbaland did the thing with that beat! Omg, don’t even get me started on the crazy music video! Missy Elliot took us into another dimension. 14 years later this track still knocks me the fuck out. Someone said, Missy swang from the chandelier way before Sia did and I was like damn straight! The best female rapper, fight me!
Oh boy, this day is a blast, guys I could walk you through my bag of oldies and goodies but I need my hands to flare to these mad beats like a T-rex fighting gravity. I know them millennials are having a stroke while reading this blog because ya’ll weren’t born yet hahaha. Don’t hurt yourselves darlings, enjoy this wine in a sack because it is the best you will ever have! Muuah!