She felt lost and alone, lying in her bed facing the ceiling with no zeal. She didn’t want to move, she didn’t want to pick up her phone to respond to messages, she didn’t even like the sound of her voice in her head. She yearned for the peace that came with death, at least she imagined it would be better than constantly battling it out with life. Her existence meant that she continued to cry and place other people in a state of sorrow. She didn’t deserve to breathe.
She felt her body get weak from hunger but didn’t want to fix it. She wanted to die, remember. So she looked at food, smiled and waved at it, never picked it up to put it in her mouth. She didn’t care to nourish the body that she needed. In her eyes were tears that refused to fall. They stung but never fell, no matter how many times she blinked. She had been told that tears are for the weak, that if she claimed to be strong then the last thing she would do was cry. But on this very day, she wanted to cry, she felt
that was her escape but she failed because she was a failure, wasn’t she?
She wanted to have hope for a better day but what was a better day? Would it mean that someone would hug her, lover her and promise to never leave? Was that her hope? Or would it be a miracle straight from heaven that would land in her room and change everything? A phone call maybe? One that carried good news she never dreamt she would hear. Would her world be turned right side up the same way it was turned upside down, instantly?
She had no hope. No strength to pray. Nothing. She had nothing but herself and the 4 walls that surrounded her. So she invited death to join her, but death never showed.
Nobuhle N Nyoni a.k.a uBu is a creative. She is a recording artist, author, blogger, web developer, and social media manager. Her brand stands for people, old and young, to be themselves hence #youbeyou -u.B.u. She published her first book this year, titled The Kings That Didn’t Need This Queen and will soon be publishing her second book which will be fiction. You may find out more about her by visiting her website ubu.co.zw or follow her on her social media platforms @nangu_uBu