Related but Not Family

I have been thinking about this a lot. Family falls in a socio-bracket of people who contribute to your mental, physical and emotional wellness. Does this mean that everyone who is related to you is really family? I don’t think so; relatives are a kindred people of genealogy that you are born in to.
Friends can become family because they are intertwined with every pilgrimage of your life. I have
relatives that I have no form of liaison with. I know a certain cousin who doesn’t even know the names of my kids! They don’t qualify as family but merely relatives.

Adulting has taught me this distinct difference (adulting is not a real word by the way – social media lingo is so lame). Growing up my family was close-knitted because our parents put in the work to keep us that way. Now as adults I have been dealing with aloof relatives with no interest in maintaining and strengthening the family bond. Have you ever tried to reach out to someone but that person still keeps you out of the fence? I find myself feeling obligated to keep trying by the sleazy fact that we are related. I have come to a realization that I am an idiot for continuously
banging on people’s doors who have clearly shown me that they have no interest in investing in our relationship. I have friends who have become family, who I have cried and laughed with. People I can go to in time of need, who have my back and vice versa. That’s family.

I had quite a rude awakening in 2016 when some relatives did not even show up for my wedding.
Man, I was bummed out and I got lousy excuses from them. C’mon, the bare minimum is just being present on this important day. It doesn’t make sense to me, because I am a giver, I give myself to people, I am at every family event and supporting them throughout. So, when people are lazy when it comes to the important things of my life then I am an imbecile for bending backward for people who don’t give a damn about me. I can not even fathom the criteria of logic for some people. I have heard of distant relatives, that is not a thing. Are you related or not? If the answer is yes, can we sweep the word distant to oblivion because that is crackers. If your reasoning to keep people at arm’s length because of this imaginary so-called distance then maybe you should distance yourself
from common sense. You choose to separate yourself from certain family members because maybe you feel there are not 100% part of you then you need to wipe your nose because your brain is leaking. Look, I know we don’t get to choose our relatives, that sucks trust me but hey that’s what it is. I have come to a resolution that I will return the same energy, and focus on people who actually
care. See you at family functions and give each other fake smiles.

So, relatives can become strangers or people you acquaint with at family events. It is said that this millennial generation has broken one of the strongest streaks of our culture. Our history resonates around powerful family fundamentals. I had to learn as an adult the cousin demarcation for some of my mothers’ sisters because all I knew is that all my aunts where actual sisters. The term cousin is a
European term that has broken our culture. In a perfect world as Africans the term cousin doesn’t exist, we are all one big family of brothers and sisters. This snob generation and adopting colonial attributes are really shitworks. I don’t understand family politics, maybe I am naïve for believing in a happy bonded family. The case of measuring relatives with distance has created canyons of hate, jealousy, and bitterness. Tainting the purity of the family dogma. So now we have relatives on this side and family on the other side because you like to dilute Africanism with Europeanism.

The dream of having all my relatives close to me is just that, a dream. The family that I have, works and I will stick to that until people remove the scales from their eyes. (which will probably won’t happen because ya’ll are far from the radar) You cannot force people to be the family that you
desire and neither can you pursue them like a dog chasing its tail. I will leave it there because the world is a shitty place.

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