Being alone is scary. Having to start all over again is scary. Not knowing if you will make the rent is scary. Not knowing if you should hang in there and work things out is damn scary. But you know what’s scarier? Waking up everyday to go to a job that zaps the energy out of you. Holding on to a project that has no more life is even scarier. Waiting and hoping your partner will change when clearly they have no intention of ever changing is much scarier.
You wake sad every morning because you can’t stand the thought of going back to work. You moan and complain so much about the job you hate that not only are you miserable, but everyone around you is as well. You get through each day of misery only to go home to bed so you can revisit it all over again tomorrow. If you hate your job so much, then why stay? The answer is simple – change is scary. You hate your job but you’re scared to quit. We all afraid.
At some point we have all thought of leaving. Waking up and just saying, ‘F*** it, I quit’. I know you’ve thought about leaving, how could you not? You have told yourself a million reasons why leaving could be embarrassing, stressing, economical suicide . We stay for the good days because in our mind the good outweigh the bad.
But that’s not the only reason we stay at that job and stand that toxic piece of shit boss who does nothing else but micro manages you. You stay because you’re more afraid of leaving than anything. You’re more afraid that what if things do not work out. How can you live without them when you have been together for over 30 years and you now have adult kids and looking forward to your grandkids.
Truthfully it is terrifying. Over the last couple of months I have these thoughts in head. Do I want to be an employee all my life. I have seen what been an employee has done to my parents. Their pensions were wiped out not once, not twice but thrice. Now all their savings are gone. I see the pain in my father’s voice when he wished he had opened a grocery store when he was in his 30s. For him and many others, the thought of having a job meant security, medical, dental and other benefits. The thought of having a company car that you get to keep after 5 years what enough sugar in tea to sell a whole continent.
I look at myself and ask myself will I end up like my dad and regret it. Worse still the environment I am living in is so much different than his time. I don’t have a company car , though I have my own car. I don’t have a company house, I am still renting. I am living pay check to pay check. My kid asks for pizza everyday and I keep telling him maybe tomorrow I will come home with pizza. He then goes to bed and says ‘I love you daddy and please bring me pizza tomorrow.’ Honestly what do I tell myself. No one’s ever ready for that and it’s something you can’t prepare yourself for either – no matter how much you convince yourself things will be okay.
Don’t just stay in the relationship because it seems better than having to walk away. Don’t stay on a job because you’re afraid of how you will make ends meet. Don’t stay because you know everyone else in your life will ask you why you quit your job in this economy. In this economy people are opening businesses and going after their dreams. In this economy people are applying for scholarships and going to study in Canada. Thing is they are not the ones who have to work with your shit ass boss. They are not the one who’s dating them, you are my friend.
So honestly ask yourself – are the good times really that much better than the bad? Are they worth the constant fights and arguments and degrading comments? Are they worth the never ending thought cycle that’s spins around in your head?
Only you can really answer that.
Damn it, my kid deserves to have pizza everyday if he wants to (the only thing that should stop him is because pizza is not so healthy). I am tired of making excuses. I am done helping others fulfil their dreams. Now I go after my own dreams and if I do fail, at least I know I tried.