I might have a morbid obsession with zombies, seeing this is not the first time we have discussed zombies on this blog, retro The Undead This has nothing to do with my extreme and irrational fear of the zombie apocalypse. I feel my intuition can guide and wake us up from this nonchalant conduct towards a possible threat of the zombie apocalypse. I hate causing needless panic but wouldn’t it suck if we as species overlooked the red flags that could have alerted us of a zombitis virus? I mean, for how long are we going to bury our heads in the sand and pretend not to know that the rise of the undead is imminent? Hey, I am not crazy although I have my Danai Gurira sword to splatter some zombie brains. Nervous chuckle. Look, I have factors that form grounds for these claims.
Donald Trump: President of America.
Who in the world would have ever imagined even in their wildest dreams that Trump could be President of America? Hahahahaha! Thee Donald Trump POTUS? If a larger population of America could vote for this Cheetos ambassador to run the United States, it can only mean two things. Since America is the largest coffee consumer, traces of the zombitis virus are in caffeine. Therefore causing significant brain damage resulting in myriads of Americans losing their intellectualism. Millions lacking the vector of reason and rationale decided the fate of America to fall in the hands of a self serving, racist bigot. Right this moment there is an innumerable American populace moving around with their brains slowly rotting away. Starbucks needs to shut down. Now look, Trump is running the country like a friggin circus. Of course him being the main act as the reddish-yellow clown. I keep taking jabs at his hue because man always look like his tie is choking him and fast running out of oxygen. I would like to extend my apologies to the Kardashian Family for Implicating that one of them was patient Zero. It’s Trump. Trump is patient zero. Secondly, the fact that this man was voted into power is an indication that the zombitis virus is airborne and them Americans breathing it. The zombie apocalypse is upon us!
President Mugabe Retires
As a Zimbabwean, this still surreal to me. Six months later I am still trying to wrap my head around this. It’s like an inceptive dream. A dream, within a dream, within a dream and I keep waking up to realise I am still dreaming. 37 years my man had a Vulcan grip on the presidency with no intention of letting go. 37 years of tyrannical bondage created a people with high resilience and pain threshold. An ordinary Zimbabwean can be thrown in a desert with nothing and come out of it alive. We have been through the valley of shadow of death, unlike the Israelites our Moses came in an Armani suit and the national army as a corsage casually adorning his expensive suit. Our president who somewhat resembled a wrinkly raisin finally left the toilet seat.
Zimbabweans flooded the streets celebrating the end of Mugabe. November 2017 could have sparked the zombie apocalypse, as hordes of Zimbabweans could have started eating each other’s flesh in uncontrollable sheer happiness. There is a cloud of uncertainty over my teapot shaped country. This uncertainty of what the future holds sans Mugabe with his ex cohorts manning the toilet seat. This tension can easily cause a zombie shuffle. Pass by market Square, sniff the air, smell that stench? (Carry a duffel bag you will need to puke last night’s dinner) If it’s not the beginning of the zombie apocalypse then you Zimbabweans need to drink lots of water
Kanye West Yeezy Clothing Line
I know I am not the only one that feels Kanye’s Yeezy clothing line has some serious zombie connotations. Why in the world does the Yeezy collection look like old, dreary, worn out clothes for homeless people? Furthermore why does the Yeezy models look like a horde of inert zombies? The following images fully illustrate what I mean.
Kanye is on to something, his apocalyptic zombie wear had me thinking that the patient zero was a Kardashian until his Donald Trump love-vest tweet:
“You don’t have to agree with trump but the mob can’t make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don’t agree with everything anyone does. That’s what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.”
Again. It’s Trump. Donald Dodo is patient zero. Moving on to the fact that the Yeezy line has taken over the fashion industry, the tattered clothes in the dull greys and browns is a thing. The line is selling like hot cakes. Why would I buy a worn out dress with holes in it for $2.5k? If it isn’t the brink of the zombie apocalypse then I don’t know what the hell is going on. I found the following image on Twitter to support my claims. Look at this, look at this!
I rest my case.
Kim Jong Un Crosses the Border to South Korea
For the first time the Korean leaders of both North and South stepped over each other’s borders as symbolism to the beginning of an age of peace. Moon Jae-in in return crossed the cracked concrete slab as he stepped over to North Korea. It looked like two adult toddlers goofing around on their grandmother’s front yard, yet this marks the greatest advancement of the Korean Nations since the Korean War in 1953. A possibly peace treaty which was a far fetched thought when in 2017 Kim was playing with his nuclear missiles flexing his mojo for Moon. The zombie apocalypse is cracking from a horizon yonder. If Gangnam style failed to unite them and proceeded to flex their missile game at each other so what then? The zombitis virus is out there people, while y’all are sitting there comfortable (LMAO if you know, you know) two Nations are combining their nuclear power for a far greater war. Stay woke and be vigilant.
Mobile Internet and Social Media
This is the greatest argument that reassures the impending zombie apocalypse. Mobile internet and social media has created a cold antisocial generation of people. Human beings have lost the art of face to face interaction ( I am not talking about FaceTime you goons) and conversation. A room can be full of people staring at their phones with earphones jammed in and not talking to each other. Persons hunched over their phones lost in a virtual world while real life flashes by. There is a need to Snapchat every goddamn meal, everything is social media documented. Are people really having fun or they would like to appear as if, for social media hail?
“Hey, I am off to to take number 2, hashtag ‘numberTwoThings’ hashtag ‘pimpingAintEasy’ hashtag ‘healthyBowelMovement.”
Really people? if our brains aren’t slowly rotting away, then I don’t know. I just don’t know. Look around you, everyone is lost on their phones, if that doesn’t look like a horde of zombies in them Yeezy clothes think ”zombie” and watch how it all begins to connet. Maybe it is just me and a paranoa triggered by this phobia, but look around. Look around. See what I mean? See?!