Sitting on this uncomfortable as hell chair listening to this man talk out of his rear posterior. I am thinking they looked for the most brittle pine wood and decided, look this could make a great easy chair. An easy chair with two centimetres of paper thin padding. This is the kind of chair given to murder suspects for interrogation. Everything is so darn irritating.
Alright, we get it Doc, plus/minus two weeks. What’s new, Mr. Magoo. New Jersey? New York? Hahaha, seriously this is not a joke after an alarmist diagnosis of a possible cesarean section. Gestational diabetes usually results in huge babies, considering my son was a heavy 3.8kg at birth. There are chances that this one might be bigger. My belly is unbelievably ginormous, after assessing the diameter/ radius VS gestational period, this man planted the idea of a cesarean section in my mind. She might be 4kg. What? Guess what the ultrasound scan revealed? She is a decent 3.5kg. C’mon Doc, you had a girl tossing and turning having nightmares of being butchered on a theatre table. Psssh, 3.5kg ? I can push that, a girl has been religiously doing her kegels. So now I am here anxious asking isn’t it way over due? I mean I wheezed past that Estimated Due Date like sonic the hedgehog. Noooo, plus or minus 14 days they say. Mother nature, we get it, you are the boss. Want a Grammy? Here you go, can them real contractions come? Stop playing me with Braxton Hicks Contractions. Seriously not funny.
See, I am tired of carrying around this big belly. My pelvis is ready, you know how it softens into cartilage for birth preps. Mine is jelly. And you know what I am tired of the most? People, yes all of you. If one more person ask if the baby has arrived yet, I am punching you in the throat. Leave me alone please. I rode 10km on my bicycle the other day. Just to speed up the process, induce that labour. Shouldn’t have. My spinal cord almost collapsed, my thighs felt like pounded meat, my body was like a voodoo doll racked with needles. All of that and not even a damn sign of labour. I am telling you this is driving me crazy!
So I got the bloody show, yesterday. You know what that means? Imminent contractions within hours or days. I am still here though. Nothing, not even a sign of contractions, not even them Braxton Hicks. She just doesn’t want to come out. Few more days in there uterine being, you shall come out with a full set of teeth and a head full of hair. I am telling you this is the direction we are heading. I have been practising my husas and patience but there is always that nagging thought. Is it not about time? Maybe today is D day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe give this woman a break mother nature!
Is this poetic justice for that one ex I cheated on, broke his heart and left without an ounce of remorse? Well, I am sorry, I really am. I was young and stupid. With all that being said, wish me the best guys. I got the show, the time is near or now…wait a minute. Never mind that was just a kick. Bye.