Forsaken Love

I stood still in the midst of the chaos and mayhem around me. Honking from frustrated drivers stuck in congestion, a wailing baby, ambulance siren, side street vendors yodeling for attention… Can you hear my heart beat? Erratic, a constriction with an indescribable ache, searing across the chest into the pits of the stomach. Tears well up, watery nostrils in addiction to a ball of emotional turmoil lodged in the throat. I can not breathe.
The flutters again, a sign of life, a reminder of a song that filled the soul and every cavity of the body. Short of breath, panting, on the brink, on the verge, a blur, stars and a fire engulfs the loins. The warm squirt of release fills my cup. A satisfying grunt emanates from his larynx. The corrugated walls of my orchid gives him a final squeeze. An affirmation of contentment. My soul is delighted, a glow from inside out pours through a toothy smile. This is my forever. Two bodies intertwined together like a fisherman’ s knot. Complex and untangled . Only Hades could untie us. Sprawled on the love couch and unaware of the pilgrims of his gonads scramble for the delicacies of the uterus. Eclipsed in the manifestation and demonstration of the heart’s desire. The slight warm rush of endorphins and the tightening of the chest in delightful splendour of love. An increasingly obtuse antenna that lacks reigns and restraint.
Standing on the road side, the noise of the city is nothing but a distant theme to the cracking chimes of my heart.
“I am sorry Mucheu. I am married, I love my wife and I can not do this anymore”
The words imprinted on my mind and echoed with resounding cymbals. Fallen for the whims of the prince of deceit. Everything in plain sight but blinded by a mad inclination of lust. A red flag waved frivolously before me, a voice whispered in my ears, but it was too late for intuition. The heart declared a place beyond logic and reason. Rendering any chance of insight as invalid. Oh the moronic and childish disposition of love. On my knees begging him to take me nonetheless. A marital status can not stand in my path of happiness.
I don’t care if you are married. I will love you til’ the end of times. As long as you come back into my arms”
The grotesque look of disgust was like swallowing shards of glass. Shaking his head in disapproval as he backed away from me. I tried to reach for him but he shrunk back. Realisation dawned. I was just a muse, a conquest, an undesirable effect of another man’s shortcomings…my time was up. Desperation drove me to divulge of the inhabitant of my uterus. He did not even bat an eye lid. Flash it. It. It. It. Our baby is not ‘it.’ The fruit of our love. I looked down at my hands in disbelief. He shoved wards of paper in them. It would take care of everything. Door slammed, car ignition, raving sounds and the screeching of tyres as he drove off. Everything was smoke and mirrors. A circus and I was the main act…the stupid clown.
He did not only tear my heart apart but he tore the film that represented my purity. The first man to take me. The first to provoke the fecundity of my uterus. 21years on this planet and I do not want this life anymore. The vendor disrupts my thoughts.
Sis, take the skipping rope. Fitness is life sis”
Long enough to choke my pain away. Long enough to hold me off the floor. The shower rod served me well, strong and sturdy. I kicked the stool and dangled in the air. I could see my dead mother shaking her head. Mummy, I am coming home.

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