The Chronicles of a Pregnant Man

The wrenching sounds startled me, in sleep reverie I dragged myself from the bed. The bedside clock flickered, darn 5.30am. This is the fourth time this week. I fetched a damp towel and opened the bathroom door. There he was hunched over the porcelain bowl, splattered with last night’s dinner. This man needs to see a doctor.
“You really need to see a doctor babes” I urged him once again. This was some sort of stomach bug and I am sure he would be given an antibiotic for it. “Okay, fine I will go tomorrow” he finally agreed. He didn’t go. What is it with black men and doctors? I tried home remedies, ginger water, lemon tea, etc. The next morning he had his head in a toilet bowl. I was now worried, he wouldn’t see the doctor, he was swinging on them mood swings like an amusement park. Exasperation could not describe how I felt. Picture living with a puking machine with a foul mood. Not so much fun.
So I decided to prepare his favorite meal, seeing that he had been sick the entire week. Beluga caviar with cheese….okay okay I am lying. I don’t even know beluga caviar to begin with. My apologies for trying to fake food enthusiasm ?Right, sadza, t- bone steak and covo in peanut butter. I knew this would improve his mood. I excitedly announce that dinner is ready, he comes to the table, takes one look at the food and rushes outside, puking all over the front porch. That’s it, what is going on?! T- bone steak is his favorite! I didn’t understand this, I mean nausea, mood swings, the throwing up every morning….wait…now hold on a second! Throwing up every morning? Morning sickness? It’s as if he is pregnant…. OMG, I followed him outside. “Babes! We are pregnant!” He gave me the WTF look. I couldn’t help but laugh, I didn’t know that this was actually a thing but he took all my pregnancy symptoms. There is really a God up there.
Now everything came together and made sense. I had to hold in my laughter as the man grumbled: “I can’t believe this is happening to me.” It’s wonderful for a man to experience the pains and discomforts of what us women have to deal with honestly. I was smiling as I stacked up soya milk in my shopping cart. His new craving. Thank you mother nature for relieving me of the first trimester discomforts! He came home with five pregnancy home test kits, “Do the thing” he said as he threw them at me. I emerged from the bathroom with the test kits and showed him. He took one look at them “I will be damned, come here you bionic woman.” I literally threw myself in his arms. Oops we did it again?

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