Dear Side Chicks

This is a letter to all side chicks in the world and over, from married women. I write in my own capacity as a woman of clarity and directness. This might leave you in damp spirits but serves its purpose to paint over grey areas that you seem to be ignorant of.
Firstly, I would like you to pardon the bluntness that is about to ensue. Beforehand it is necessary to define your job description and position in the lives of many. You are subsidiary to the wife; hence you are BENEATH her. I advise you to calm down and descend from that delusional high horse because you are not better than her. Attentively note: Any sane man will never leave his wife, family and everything he has built, for you. A tied man is not with you because his wife is not good enough or lacking in any way. Nope. You are an undesirable effect of a man’s short comings.
You are a side plate. A side plate is smaller than the dinner plate, used for accompaniments to the main meal. A side plate compliments the main meal, making it exciting and delicious. Allow me to break it down for you. You compliment the wife, after he is done with you he is ready to indulge with his wife in nuptial-plumaged-unabashed fellatio in all its rightness and glory. This is the best form of sex beneath the sun an over the moon. You didn’t know this, did you? Yeah. In addition to his own nagging guilt, he is driven to put down a performance of his life. It is his own way to atone for his sins. Because of you, wives get their cooters ravished by tongue or the “spear” in ways that cannot be put down in writing. Be rest assured that all wives are ever so grateful for your existence.
Without side chicks, wives have to deal with moods, tantrums and all kinds of crisis from their men. You take care of that bullshit, because when he comes home to his wife he brings along with him a delightful ambience. A happy, good natured and loving man. Inadvertently you are a necessary evil.
Many side chicks tend to lose sight of their role. You are a hobby, a conquest to gratify the natural male dominant ego. You are not in competition with the wife: You never were and you never will. Assume your position as a secret that will never be unraveled. Therefore, your paths should never cross in this life or another. If the wife discovers your sordid existence, (men can be unbelievably sloppy)

  • Do not respond to any of her text messages
  • If she calls you, quickly hang up and block her number
  • Block her on all social media platforms
  • You are in no capacity to like, retweet or comment on the man’s social media activities.
  • You cannot call or text him after 6pm and before 10am
  • You cannot be within 800m radius of the palace (i.e. his home)
  • Refrain from statements like “my man, my boo” etc. etc. he is not yours, you are not even borrowing him. You are winging it as a temp that will briefly simmer.

If wives and side chicks can respect each other’s roles, then you can all co-exist amicably
I would like to appreciate the raunchiness of your sexual exploits with other people’s husbands. Such as anal, rim jobs and threesomes. Relieving such tasks for wives is noble and admirable. Please by all means, keep up the good work! While we are at it, use protection, do not attempt to get pregnant by a married man because 99% of the times, it does not end well for you and the child. Getting pregnant will leave you alone to fend for a baby whose father is not committed or remotely feels obliged to be there for the both of you. Most times you are persuaded in to an abortion which is a traumatic experience best avoided. If you are not using protection be diligent with contraception and also get tested for STIs, HIV and what not. It’s not cool to defile a union with your diseases. So not cool.
Also, remember you have no financial rights, it is encouraged for side chicks to be financially independent so you do not interfere with the hard-earned money of another woman. You are in no position to whine and complain if you feel neglected. Be reminded that he is a married man, his time is invested in his wife and kids, so get comfortable with receiving the short end of the stick.
While other men will go to extremes such as telling you fairytales, for example: I have fallen out love with my wife. I am going to divorce her and marry you. You are the love of my life. (the most hilarious) I am not even sleeping with her. Hahahahaha! I laugh on your lapel. Please do not be gullible enough to eat all that crap. A man will say anything to secure his meat. Yes, you are his meat. No, love is a word you cannot use loosely in this arrangement. You are a newly hatched domestic fowl, stay in your pen dearie. All the while, in reality he is having it every day with his wife, working and building his future with her.
A newsletter will be issued if there are upgrades that may arise for your kind. Your role is valued, demeaning at the most but you chose the path. Walk it sister girl! The world would be meaningless without you.
Best regards,
The Queens.

21 thoughts on “Dear Side Chicks

Add yours

  1. Ooo yaaas. Thèse must be results of years of research. You can do a doctorate on the subject of side chicks.
    Thanks Makaitah

  2. Reblogged this on myldrwithafrenchman and commented:
    Great post!
    As much as I want to say that we can do anything and everything to keep our husbands loyal. Boys will be boys. Ugh!
    Women, just know your place. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
    If women had enough self-respect and self-worth then they won’t settle for 2nd best.

  3. I got hooked the moment my eyes landed on “You are an undesirable effect of a man’s short comings”. I am in awe! Perfectly-crafted piece

  4. So everyone is ok with not being the “one” A man has a side chick because the gf or wife isn’t providing something for him at home, plain and simple. At least that what I thought. #myopinion maybe I’m wrong.

  5. Interesting piece …I have to say I definitely liked it. It just leaves one detail out, How side chicks are becoming main chicks. “They won’t leave their wives” but there are soooo many leaving their wives.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: