Beware of Toxic Relationship Advice!

I do not believe in relationship advice, I do not seek it, trust and believe this is a merry bandwagon that you might consider jumping on! I am not trying to put therapists and psychologists out of work here. But, I believe my $0.02 could actually help a lot of confounded situations.
In a relationship there are times that you are so torn you have no clue on how you are supposed to react or act. Tempest winds of demonic activities may blow in your direction. Lets say a cheating partner ( you lot love to sip on this tea of cheating partners. Sorry I am not going into that) So you find out that your partner cheated and you are caught in a turmoil of emotions. You plan their death meticulously as you laugh hysterically. Maybe toy around with the idea of genital mutilation? Sadly most people begin to swim in that pool of self doubt and wallow in self pity. The most nagging of all, the urge to run to any listening ear and divulge all the pain. You know that adage about talking about a problem makes it half solved. Yeah yeah, the heart seeks company in perilous moments. Its only natural we are human beings. In a sucky way we are what we are.
Where am I going with this? Isn’t it awesome to hear someone echo their disapproval on your cheating partner per se? What a low life! Such a pathetic excuse of a man and what not. Its like food to the soul. Soothing and gratifying. The feeling is temporary of course until you are all alone with a drenched pillow and your heart threatening to disintergrate. Isn’t this the perfect time to seek for some sort of clear headed advice? Should i leave him, should i stay, should i retaliate and cheat too? What anyone needs is the consoling presence of empathy. If anything , a mediator of your emotions not Judge Judy who is ready to give a sentence to your situation. If a person tells you to make decisions that you are not even sure of, sweetheart you are in the firm clutches of a devil whisperer. Run with your heart and your life. Only you and the force field of the situation can decide for YOU.
People have all types of dysfunctional, rare and crazy relationships. Some are okay with polygamy and can settle with a man who has a crowd of wives. Others are bisexuals, they are okay with their partners sleeping with the same gender equation. A smidge of humanity that believe in open relationships. There all kinds of relationships, married couples into group sex and all sorts of weirdness. You can not tell anyone to leave their partner, or to stay. The heart is the boss here, the decision maker even when logic lacks in hindsight. Have you ever considered that maybe your friend,that loooves to give you relationship advice is a foe? A wolf cloaked in sheep skin? Secretly happy for your downfall. Probably the moment you get off the phone crying, they are doing hula hoops? Counsel in the right direction without pushing is the only closely related remedial of relationship advice. Also if the counsel has been requested. For example:
Her: He beats me everyday but I love him so much!
You: How do you feel when he beats you? Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? Have you considered how your kids feel?
You didn’t tell her to leave him, but you threw in all he spikes that trigger the mind to make decisions that the other person was not even anticipating. I am not a relationship expert, bare with me but when relationship advice begins to feel like decisions are being forced in your head maybe you need to shy away from it. We are all different with different beliefs. I was at some bridal shower and the soon to be bride was being told to shave her cooter for her man. I sat there thinking, everyone present does not even know the said man! They don’t know his preferences, likes and dislikes. What if he likes the cooter to look like the jungle of Jumanji? And why is he not present to proffer his own opinion than some stranger who hardly knows him speak on his behalf??? I mean, you can’t paint everyone with the same brush! Some men hate deodorant, they are turned on by the raw natural scent of your body. But you are being given advice to drown yourself in a can of deodorant.
Talking about these bridal showers, how about we invite men to speak for themselves? Or maybe have someone talk to the groom, get all the info before we run on assumptions and misguided conclusions. And also how come men don’t get a shower where they are taught how to treat women and all that? Okay! My train of thoughts is derailing maybe because i have a bridal shower of my own this Saturday. Sigh, yeah and I prefer counsel by the word of God, not people who think they know what my man likes or dislikes. I don’t know, but we have arrived at my main point if concern.
Keep your relationship private, pray before you make decisions and if you need a MEDIATOR for your relationship problems go to a professional. These Judge Joe Brown friends of yours will only make your relationship a Jerry Springer Show behind your back. Also keep your relationship problems off social media. There a lot of opportunists who a waiting for that crack, so they can take advantage and break your relationship when its in the most vulnerable state.
I am sorry I am not blogging that much, my life is the Samora Machel and Leopold Takawira Intersection. BUSY. You know you love me! xoxo

20 thoughts on “Beware of Toxic Relationship Advice!

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  1. Wonderful advice. I like the part where a supposed friend does some hoooola hoops after listening to your lamentations about your relationship. Very true. “Ndini maiti munozvigona” they would be saying. “Itayi tione”. Your relationship is your secret.

  2. such a nice piece. Yes i believe the best person to make that advise is YOU and not a crowd of people who barely know a thing or two about relationships. I even realized that friends who are jealous of your relationship are always the one giving unnecessary and unwanted advises as if waiting for that split to grab your man!

    1. thanks Eva. That is so true, in my experience the last person who should give you relationship advise are the people you call friends! Be careful of your friends, i have learnt the hard way. They be secretly hoping that you break up with your man!

  3. I am agreeing for the most part, with the exception of physical violence from a partner. That is never, ever ok, and that is a threshold where I think people should leave their partners actually. That does not mean I think a person should shove thst opinion down a person’s throat, but instead try and support the abused party in any way, to leave. The reason for this is that I have worked with many physically abused women (in my profession), and it is very common that the abuse escalates. It happens way too many times that women even get killed eventually, by their abusive partner. Even in my extremely small country we have hundreds of women over the last few years who have been killed by partners. So, in my humble opinion, physical violence is a sort of limit that should never be crossed. Just My 2 cents. Other than that, I agree. Too much relationship advice swirling around out there!

    1. oh wow, thank you…i cant believe that fathers would abuse daughters to death that is so awful!! This world can suck sometimes. That is so true but talking to someone in an abusive relationship can be tricky. Its like walking on egg shells, we have to tread carefully because they can shut down and silently endure abuse without telling anyone. It also depends with the situation but yes true abuse is were you can boldly draw the line and pack your bags. Thank you so much!

  4. “Keep your relationship private, pray before you make decisions and if you need a MEDIATOR for your relationship problems go to a professional.” So so so true !

  5. This was a great piece to read, a lot of young girls ought to read more about things like this!
    take a look at my blog if you have the time πŸ˜€

  6. I believe many points in this were sound. It made sense from where you were coming from. People love to influence, even if they don’t say so, a sub- conscious part of them might from internal feelings. I will say though sometimes people do need a good kick in the bum. One particular relationship of mine had me so blind, I could see the obivous fact right in front of me, It was sound advice that help me have lines to draw a picture. It was a long relationship and I was getting cheated on like your example. People are different yes. Some people don’t need advice because they are self deployed at a moments notice. I have been giving advice on my Youtube channel for 6 years, advice on the normal since I was about 6…. and made this blog to further that. So good advice doesn’t always come from professionals. People of business practice might pull a “give a man a fish” method to keep them coming back. Humans are social, It’s okay to ask for help. Yes, be mindful of “friends”, “family”, and others who might carry a very biased light but there’s nothing wrong with alittle advice :). It can help alot. I’ve help someone get over have miscarriage of twins and a break up at the same time once while being honest. Advice can be very good. Your words were very inciteful though. I’m not going to be that person who is like “Your non-relationship advice is relationship advice” cause thats obivous for everyone. I will say, you sound very sound and have a deep understanding. I enjoyed the read even if I disagree alittle.

  7. whatever advice for this kind of relationship or any relationship, we need to admit our fault too, and where to begin something new from which two person can start over and build from there. Coz no matter who is at fault the fire will be nuclear at heart if no one can even douse the flame.

  8. I agree with everything you’re saying here.
    However, as a psychology student I think I need to clarify this: when you got problems and decide to see a therapist, there are two definite things you shouldn’t expect; getting advice and getting support.
    Of all the therapy methods I’ve learnt so far, it had been made clear that the client should be helped to solve their problems but never to tell them what to do. They are helped to understand what makes them feel good and to encourage them if it doesn’t hurt them or another person.
    Also, you can’t expect a therapist to take your side or your partner’s side. Also, although they may be judging you in their heads, they will not judge you or your partner.
    Now speaking, not as a psychology student, I myself find it funny how people think they have answers to everything when it comes to relationships. I think everyone is different and should be approached differently. One can’t try to give advice on how they treated their own but similar situation on a different relationship with different individuals. I don’t subscribe either, to the idea that “all men are the same”. I don’t know all men but I don’t think they are all the same. I treat people as individuals and my next relationship partner will not do to me what the last one did. That is what I believe.
    So it beats me, about these people seeking advice from other people and actually applying the advice…

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