Valentines Road to Hell

February filled with its corny valentines vibes is like a bug crawling up my rectum. Peeve. The flowers, candy, the pink, red hearts *rubs temple* makes me want to slit my wrists.
After a bout of kissing an army of frogs that never transformed to be my prince charming I jumped the dating ship. There is enough heart break that one heart can handle. This contributed to my cynicism towards love and the glorified oh-so-wonderful valentines day. Pshh I call it bullshit and a cunning low key strategy to boost the economy, if you ask me.
It was a week before valentines and the busiest week at work. As an events coordinator I was juggling three valentines functions ;Midnight Apothecary Valentine Special, Valentines weekend concert and Valentines Sunset Cruise and Tour. I had one more phone call before calling it a day, I had to call the guy from the Reeds restaurant to confirm if they had received the set of starry lights. The phone rang for minute before I figured that he was probably asleep considering its was 10pm. As I was about to leave the office, he returned my call. “Returning a missed call” a groggy voice at the other end. ” I am sorry to bother you at such an odd hour, its Ratidzo from Glitz and Glam, I wanted to check if the starry lights arrived?” I said feeling a bit embarrassed now. Then there was silence. “Hello are you there? I inquired.”Yeah we got them” click, he hung up. Okay maybe I should have checked the time before I made that phone call.
The following morning was crazy with all the last minute touch ups. Before midday my head was pounding. “Ratidzo, a Mr. Nyandoro  at the foyer” My assistant said. “Reeds restaurant oh no, what is it now. Show him through.”  I said, thinking he could have called before showing up unexpectedly. He walked in and I almost dropped the glass of water that I was holding. What a freak of nature, sexiness personified, dark, 5 o clock shadow, and those lips. I could sleep on a bed made out of those lips. He was absolutely gorgeous. “If I knew I was talking to such a stunning woman, I wouldn’t have hung up so abruptly last night, my apologies” he said with an endearing smile. “I am sorry, but how can you be Mr. Nyandoro? ” now I was confused. ” I am his son, my dad has travelled so from now on you will be dealing with me” he said. I motioned for him to sit but he suggested we go for lunch and discuss business.
I was hungry and I could use a break from the office madness. Business was never mentioned during lunch. At all. We talked about everything, dreams, fears and achievements. He was so easy going I felt like we had known each other for years. I was shocked when I realised it was already 4pm. 4hrs gone and we both didn’t notice. As crazy as it might sound it was love at first sight. I just knew it in my heart that this was it. My frog had finally changed into a prince. I threw caution to the wind and dived inlove head first. We had a few beautiful date nights afterwards. The day before Valentines he told me he had a wonderful surprise in the morning.
Valentines morning I was up early and laughing at my eagerness. A week ago, relationship cynic  me would have gone about my day like any other day. A lady dressed like a flight attendant knocked my door. She had apparently been sent to pick me up. Excited me jumped out to see a limo parked outside. She opened the door for me and handed me a glass of champagne. I was loving this already. We drove for a while and I was  drumming my fingers on my thigh with impatience. I began to feel sleepy, like heavily drowsy I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. I was struggling to keep awake, I couldn’t understand and then I heard muffled sounds from the boot. I felt the car slowing down to a halt.
Dizziness ensued, I panicked oh my god i had been drugged! I looked accusingly at the empty champagne glass. What kind of sick prank was this? The partition window slid down and the lady driver cackled, this cold, dry, spine chilling laughter that left me scared shitless. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t move. My body refused to coordinate with the brain. The muffled sounds again from the boot. She looked at me ” You thought you could snatch my husband away from me? Huh?” I could not believe my ears “I can’t let that happen now, can I? She chuckled ” Can you hear your dear lover from the boot? Hahahahah we all going to hell.” The muffled sounds again. My heart was racing, I could no longer keep my eyes open. She began to drive, I opened my eyes for a second, she was driving towards the edge of a cliff.
Before the car sped off the cliff, she looked at me dead in the face and said ” Happy Valentines bitch.”

0 thoughts on “Valentines Road to Hell

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  1. Silly.
    Rewind to where the ‘Lady in the Flight Attendant uniform’ picked you up, pause and first go meet your frog turned prince. You can’t just toss us down that cliff.

    1. Well, u can’t always hand it to you in black and white. Be imaginative. Who is the lady dresses like a flight attendant. Why are we going down a cliff? What about Prince charming? Think.

      1. Okay, let’s get down the cliff. Where’s that cliff? I know someone who would come to save you. And hold on, keep breathing.

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